CHILD+ABUSE


 * CHILD ABUSE**...//is// NO //joke.//

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**Child Abuse Hotline:**

at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
There are many types of child abuse: 1. __**//emotional abuse//**__: is more than just verbal abuse. It is an attack on a child's emotional and social development, and is a basic threat to healthy human development. 2. **//__child neglect__//**: is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. 2. **//__physical abuse__//**: this includes hitting, kicking, punching and other ways of inflicting pain or injury such as poisoning (perhaps with harmful drugs or alcohol), drowning or smothering. 3. //**__sexual abuse__**//: is any sexual contact with a child or the use of a child for the sexual pleasure of someone else.



**Myths and facts about child abuse and neglect:** **//__MYTH #1__//**: It's only abuse if it's violent. **Fact**: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene. . **//__MYTH #2__//**: Only bad people abuse their children. **Fact**: While it's easy to say that only "bad people" abuse their children, it's not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem. **//__MYTH #3__//**: Child abuse doesn't happen in “good” families. **Fact**: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors. **//__MYTH #4__//**: Most child abusers are strangers. **Fact**: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family **//__MYTH #5__//**: Abused children always grow up to be abusers. **Fact**: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.

Warning signs of child abuse and neglect The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need. Of course, just because you see a warning sign doesn’t automatically mean a child is being abused. It’s important to dig deeper, looking for a pattern of abusive behavior and warning signs, if you notice something off.

Warning signs of emotional abuse in children

 * Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong.
 * Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or extremely demanding; extremely passive or extremely aggressive).
 * Doesn’t seem to be attached to the parent or caregiver.
 * Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, tantruming).

Warning signs of physical abuse in children

 * Frequent injuries or unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts.
 * Is always watchful and “on alert,” as if waiting for something bad to happen.
 * Injuries appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt.
 * Shy''s away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home.
 * Wears inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as long-sleeved shirts on hot days.

Warning signs of neglect in children

 * Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or inappropriate for the weather.
 * Hygiene is consistently bad (unbathed, matted and unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).
 * Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
 * Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments.
 * Is frequently late or missing from school.

Warning signs of sexual abuse in children

 * Trouble walking or sitting.
 * Displays knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his or her age, or even seductive behavior.
 * Makes strong efforts to avoid a specific person, without an obvious reason.
 * Doesn’t want to change clothes in front of others or participate in physical activities.
 * An STD or pregnancy, especially under the age of 14.
 * Runs away from home.

__//** PARENTS: **//__

Breaking the cycle of child abuse:
If you have a history of child abuse, having your own children can trigger strong memories and feelings that you may have repressed. This may happen when a child is born, or at later ages when you remember specific abuse to you. You may be shocked and overwhelmed by your anger, and feel like you can’t control it. But you can learn new ways to manage your emotions and break your old patterns. Remember, you are the most important person in your child’s world. It’s worth the effort to make a change, and you don’t have to go it alone. Help and support are available. ===Tips for changing your reactions ===  ===**Learning to Control your Anger** === Getting anger under control is easier than you think. With a little insight into the real reasons for your anger and some effective anger management tools, you can learn how to express your feelings in healthier ways and keep your temper from hurting the people in your life. Read: __ [|Anger Management: Tips and Techniques for Getting Anger Under Control] __  ===<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-color: #b9c7de; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #3c5cae; font: normal normal bold 14px/18px Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-bottom: 2px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 1px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">How do you know when you’ve crossed the line? ===  ===<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-color: #b9c7de; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #3c5cae; font: normal normal bold 14px/18px Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-bottom: 2px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 1px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">If you need professional help... === Do you feel angry and frustrated and don’t know where to turn? Call **1-800-4-A-CHILD** to find support and resources in your community that can help you break the cycle of abuse.
 * Learn what is age appropriate and what is not. Having realistic expectations of what children can handle at certain ages will help you avoid frustration and anger at normal child behavior. For example, newborns are not going to sleep through the night without a peep, and toddlers are not going to be able to sit quietly for extended periods of time.
 * Develop new parenting skills. While learning to control your emotions is critical, you also need a game plan of what you are going to do instead. Start by learning appropriate discipline techniques and how to set clear boundaries for your children. Parenting classes, books, and seminars are a way to get this information. You can also turn to other parents for tips and advice.
 * Take care of yourself. If you are not getting enough rest and support or you’re feeling overwhelmed, you are much more likely to succumb to anger. Sleep deprivation, common in parents of young children, adds to moodiness and irritability—exactly what you are trying to avoid.
 * Get professional help. Breaking the cycle of abuse can be very difficult if the patterns are strongly entrenched. If you can’t seem to stop yourself no matter how hard you try, it’s time to get help, be it therapy, parenting classes, or other interventions. Your children will thank you for it.
 * Learn how you can get your emotions under control. The first step to getting your emotions under control is realizing that they are there. If you were abused as a child, you may have an especially difficult time getting in touch with your range of emotions. You may have had to deny or repress them as a child, and now they spill out without your control. For a step by step process on how you can develop your emotional intelligence, visit EQ Central.
 * **You can’t stop the anger.** What starts as a swat on the backside may turn into multiple hits getting harder and harder. You may shake your child harder and harder and finally throw him or her down. You find yourself screaming louder and louder and can’t stop yourself.
 * **You feel emotionally disconnected from your child.** You may feel so overwhelmed that you don’t want anything to do with your child. Day after day, you just want to be left alone and for your child to be quiet.
 * **Meeting the daily needs of your child seems impossible.** While everyone struggles with balancing dressing, feeding, and getting kids to school or other activities, if you continually can’t manage to do it, it’s a sign that something might be wrong.
 * **Other people have expressed concern.** It may be easy to bristle at other people expressing concern. However, consider carefully what they have to say. Are the words coming from someone you normally respect and trust? Denial is not an uncommon reaction.

HOW TO **//__STOP __//**<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Impact,Charcoal,sans-serif; font-size: 300%;"> CHILD ABUSE

=<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 150%; margin-bottom: 14px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding: 0px;">Emotional Abuse = Once you have spotted emotional abuse, it is time to face up to it and stop it. In most cases, I would suggest that the abusive person is not going to change, so it’s better to get out of the relationship. If you decide to remain in the relationship, then several things are going to have to change.

Confront Your Abuser
Whenever abuse happens, you need to confront your abuser. You have to say, “This is abusive behavior”. The abuser will deny it, of course. But you can’t be convinced you are being sensitive and humorless and making things up. Stand your ground and let your partner know that know better. This brings the relationship back into the real world, instead of the world of lies your partner is trying to construct.

Set Boundaries
You have to let your abuser know you will not be emotionally abused. You have to be adamant about this. If his terms for continuing the relationship is to control and dominate it, then you aren’t going to stay. It is not too much to ask that our partner respect us. Respect is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Respect is an essential component of “true love”. No person is going to agree with every opinion or action you take; but respecting your actions and opinions is essential. Just remember; the natural order of things is that our loved ones respect us. Any deviation from this order is your abuser’s fault.

Build Your Self-Esteem
If you have been in a relationship where everything you’ve done is wrong, then your self-esteem can’t be high. You have to keep telling yourself that the world doesn’t work that way. We’re all flawed human beings. Not everything we do is rational and wise. On the other hand, not everything we do is irrational and wrong. You’re going to make mistakes. Join the club. That doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love and respect. If he or she doesn’t like the music you like, the t.v. shows and movies you watch, the friends you keep, this is no reason for your loved one to constantly berate you about it. Life is too short to overanalyze trivial stuff. Unless these are somehow harmful to you, it’s a matter of personal taste and preference. If something which does us no harm brings us enjoyment, it can’t be all that bad. If any person’s life is held up to a magnifying glass, we could be made to look the fool. So don’t internalize every little criticism. It’s easy to focus on the negatives. Focus on the positives, too.

Talk to a Friend About This
If you think you are being emotionally abused, talk to a friend or family member about it. An abusive relationship distorts your perspective. It’s good to get an outside perspective, to know if you’re imagining things. Besides, it helps to talk about these things.

Take Responsibility For Your Life
Finally, if you recognize that you are being emotionally abused, make certain to change this. You deserve better, no matter what your abuser is telling you. Don’t linger in an abusive relationship. Don’t be a victim. If you try to end the abuse and it doesn’t change, then you must get out of the relationship. Behavior might change for a few days, but you need to make certain your abuser understands the bounds. If in a month or two the abuse continues, you must leave the relationship. We get into relationships to satisfy our need for companionship, to find someone who will support us and fill our many needs. If your companion is incapable of doing that, it is time to find one who can.

depression; individual or group counselling around parent's own issues, such as past or current abuse treatments with other, wider needs benefits, transportation, childcare strengths based approaches environment treating or reporting illness their child and identify choices, explore relationships, practice assertive behaviours and social skills, improve self image and develop coping strategies.
 * Child Neglect **
 * Focus on the family - an holistic approach to assessment and intervention
 * Mental health services which address the specific needs of parents or carers such as maternal
 * Substance abuse treatment - ante and post natal outreach services which can integrate
 * Concrete services - formal and informal help with housing, furniture, repairs, employment,
 * Services in the home - demonstrating practical and parenting skills, health advice,
 * Community and social support - help to build supportive networks, social skills training,
 * Individual or group work that focuses on three aspects:
 * Safety in the home, identifying risks or hazards and creating a safe and clean -
 * Infant and child health care where parents are taught about hygiene, recognising,
 * Bonding and stimulation where parents learn to play and engage in daily activities with
 * Individual or group work with parents to promote self esteem, learn problem solving skills


 * Physical Abuse **

Treatment:
The specific physical injuries are treated as appropriate. Counseling or an intervention of some type for the parents is mandatory. In some cases, the child may be temporarily or permanently removed from the home to prevent further danger. Life-threatening abuse, or abuse resulting in permanent damage to the infant or child, may result in legal action. Counseling, including play therapy, is also necessary for abused children over age 2. Failure to help the child deal with the fear and pain resulting from abuse by adults, who should be trusted figures, can lead to significant psychological problems, such as [|post traumatic stress disorder] (PTSD). All states require that you report any known or suspected child abuse. Call the police and Child Protection Services. Decisions about placing the child with an outside caregiver or returning the child to the home usually are made by the appropriate government agency through the court system. The structure of these agencies varies from state to state. <span style="background-color: #dee7f7; border: 1px solid #b9c7de; color: #333333; display: block; margin: 1em 0em; padding: 5px 9px 7px; text-align: left;"> ===<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-color: #b9c7de; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; clear: both; color: #3c5cae; font: normal normal bold 14px/18px Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-bottom: 2px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 1px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Physical abuse vs. Discipline === <span style="font-size: 12px; font: normal normal normal 12px/18px verdana; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 2px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 8px;">In physical abuse, unlike physical forms of discipline, the following elements are present:
 * <span style="font: normal normal normal 12px/16px verdana; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 1.3em; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 2px;">**Unpredictability.** The child never knows what is going to set the parent off. There are no clear boundaries or rules. The child is constantly walking on eggshells, never sure what behavior will trigger a physical assault.
 * <span style="font: normal normal normal 12px/16px verdana; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 1.3em; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 2px;">**Lashing out in anger.** Physically abusive parents act out of anger and the desire to assert control, not the motivation to lovingly teach the child. The angrier the parent, the more intense the abuse.
 * <span style="font: normal normal normal 12px/16px verdana; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 1.3em; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 2px;">**Using fear to control behavior.** Parents who are physically abusive may believe that their children need to fear them in order to behave, so they use physical abuse to “keep their child in line.” However, what children are really learning is how to avoid being hit, not how to behave or grow as individuals.


 * Sexual Abuse **

Sexual harassment is sexual behavior that is unwanted. Often the harasser is someone in a position of formal authority, but harassment occurs between co-workers or peers as well. Men are sometimes harassed, but most victims of harassment are women. The harasser is almost always male. Examples of sexual harassment include suggestive comments, pressure for sexual contact, demands for sex in return for a job or other benefit, sexual jokes. Sexual assault is an attack of a sexual nature, which includes sexual touching or rape. Sexual abuse is essentially sexual assault but over a prolonged period of time. Incest, or sexual relations between family members like parents and children, or brothers and sisters, is an example of sexual abuse. But sexual abuse can occur outside of the family too. If you are injured after an attack or sexually assaulted, go to the doctor and get medical treatment as soon as possible. You do not have to tell anyone who caused the injury, but it is better for your treatment if you tell the doctor exactly what happened. In the case of rape, a medical examination is important to detect injury and for possible protection against a sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy. In the United States, a child is sexually abused every two minutes, according to Senator Christopher Dodd founder of Children's Caucus. Sexual harassment, assault and abuse are not uncommon and you are not alone. There are others who have suffered in a similar way. It is also important to remember that no one has the right to sexually assault, attack, harass or abuse another person. Islam, in particular, is very strong in its condemnation of this behavior, and requires both Muslim men and women to behave in a respectful and modest way with the opposite sex (see Quran 24:30-31). Telling someone else about your experience is a way of getting help. If you have been keeping it hidden inside of you because of shame and fear, it's time to break this wall. Confide in someone you can trust. This can be an Imam, it could be a close family member or a good friend. Telling someone is a way for you to heal and a a step towards doing something about the issue. If you do this, you don't have to press charges, but you may save someone else from being similarly attacked or abused if police know who your perpetrator was. If you are being sexually abused and you are still living with your abuser, you must get out of there immediately. You may not feel strong enough to do this right away, but it is a step you must consider. Taking this into consideration, it is a good idea to keep some important documents with you when you choose to leave. These documents include a birth certificate, passport, citizenship papers, immigration papers, health card, social insurance card, the abuser's social insurance number, money and credit cards, checkbook, bankbook, savings bonds, personal telephone and address book, medicine, house keys, drivers license and car keys, clothing for a few days and valuable jewelry. If you have been thinking of leaving the home to escape violence for a while, start collecting these things. then you can leave more easily and must do so immediately. You may first want to work out a protection plan (see below) with the person you have confided in, a friend, relative, Imam, and may even be able to escape to your confidant's home. Or you may seek help at a local youth shelter. A protection plan is a plan of where you will go to escape from the abuse in the home. These are the elements of a protection plan: a. Be aware of when the abuse happens and how often. b. Decide on some safe place you can go to. This might include the mosque, another home, relatives, friends, hotel, a crisis shelter, or another place in which you feel safe. c. Decide how you will get there. Keep some money and a set of extra keys with you and some with your family and/or friends, so you can leave by taxi. This way, even if you don't have money, you can quickly escape to the friend's house by taxi when you feel an attack is imminent. You might arrange with friends, neighbors or relatives that they will come and pick you up when you feel it is necessary. d. Make sure you know where the nearest public phone is and try to memorize the number of the local youth shelter and know what to take when you leave. The first few pages of a telephone book list numbers of police and other emergency services. Know these numbers by heart. Also, gather information such as the addresses and telephone numbers of people who can help. After a sexual assault, you may feel shock, embarrassment, shame, guilt, disbelief, anger, anxiety or nothing at all. These are all normal reactions to a violent crime. Similarly, sometimes months or even years after an assault, survivors reexperience feelings they had immediately following the attack. This is why it's a good idea to consider the next tip. Don't try to heal alone. There are professionals trained to help those who have been abused and assaulted. A local crisis or women's shelter, sexual assault hotlines, and professionals like counselors are better able to help you work through your pain. You are not abnormal, you are simply getting proper assistance from someone who knows how to help you deal with this emotionally and psychologically. Women's shelters, police, crown attorney's office-they all have a department dealing with this. You can also check hospitals, multicultural associations, women's centers, a local YWCA, telephone crisis lines, the Public Legal Education and Information Association (in Canada), lawyer referral services, legal aid offices, doctors or public health nurses, social workers, mosques, Islamic centers, Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and Canada (ISSA) or regional Islamic social services. You may be eligible for compensation of medical costs or losses incurred as a result of a sexual assault. To receive assistance, you must report the assault to law enforcement personnel within 48 hours and you must file a claim within one year. Call a local Sexual Assault Crisis Center for more information. Where is the safest place you can stay for a while? It could be family, or a fellow Muslim sister who can open her doors for you. Look for those people who can be sympathetic.
 * 1. Know what sexual assault, abuse and harassment are **
 * 2. Get medical treatment if you are sexually assaulted or hurt **
 * 3. Know you are not alone and you are not to blame **
 * 4. Tell someone trustworthy about it **
 * 5. Consider telling the police about it **
 * 6. Keep the following documents with you **
 * 7. If you are under 18 and living with a sexual abuser... **
 * 8. Establish a protection plan **
 * 9. Know these telephone numbers **
 * 10. Notice your feelings **
 * 11. Get counseling **
 * 12. For more information go to these places **
 * 13. You could get compensation for this crime **
 * 14. Find a longer term safe place **



**Helping an abused or neglected child** What should you do if you suspect that a child has been abused? How do you approach him or her? Or what if a child comes to you? It’s normal to feel a little overwhelmed and confused in this situation. Child abuse is a difficult subject that can be hard to accept and even harder to talk about. Just remember, you can make a tremendous difference in the life of an abused child, especially if you take steps to stop the abuse early. When talking with an abused child, the best thing you can provide is calm reassurance and unconditional support. Let your actions speak for you if you’re having trouble finding the words. Remember that talking about the abuse may be very difficult for the child. It’s your job to reassure the child and provide whatever help you can.

Tips for talking to an abused child

 * Avoid denial and remain calm. A common reaction to news as unpleasant and shocking as child abuse is denial. However, if you display denial to a child, or show shock or disgust at what they are saying, the child may be afraid to continue and will shut down. As hard as it may be, remain as calm and reassuring as you can.
 * Don’t interrogate. Let the child explain to you in his or her own words what happened, but don’t interrogate the child or ask leading questions. This may confuse and fluster the child and make it harder for them to continue their story.
 * Reassure the child that they did nothing wrong. It takes a lot for a child to come forward about abuse. Reassure him or her that you take what is said seriously, and that it is not the child’s fault.
 * Safety comes first. If you feel that your safety or the safety of the child would be threatened if you try to intervene, leave it to the professionals. You may be able to provide more support later after the initial professional intervention.

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<span style="color: #000000; display: block; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 24pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> Works Cited "15 Tips for Victims on How to Deal with Sexual Assault, Abuse and Harassment in the West." Islamic Information & Products - SoundVision.com Home! Web. 19 Sept. 2010. <http://www.soundvision.com/Info/socialservice/sexabusevictimwest.asp>. Carey, By Benedict. "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - Symptoms, Diagnosis, Treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - NY Times Health Information." Health News - The New York Times. Web. 19 Sept. 2010. <http://health.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/overview.html>. "Child Abuse & Neglect: Recognizing and Preventing Child Abuse." Helpguide.org: Understand, Prevent and Resolve Life's Challenges. Web. 19 Sept. 2010. <http://helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm>. "Contact Us." DCFS - Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. Web. 20 Sept. 2010. <http://dcfs.co.la.ca.us/contactus/childabuse.html>. "Dealing_with_neglect." South West Safeguarding and Child Protection Group Website. Web. 19 Sept. 2010. <http://www.swcpp.org.uk/WebHelp/html/dealing_with_neglect.htm>. "Emotional Abuse - Child Abuse: An Overview ~ FindCounseling.com." Find a Therapist at FindCounseling.com, The Original Therapist Finder Search Engine, Formerly TherapistFinder.net. Web. 17 Sept. 2010. <http://www.findcounseling.com/journal/child-abuse/emotional-abuse.html>. "Physical Abuse - Definitions of Abuse - Worried about a Child - the NSPCC." Stop Child Abuse - Support the Childrenâs Charity - the NSPCC. Web. 17 Sept. 2010. <http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/talking-to-our-experts/types-of-child-abuse/physical-abuse-definition/physical-abuse_wda75437.html>.